On universe abandonment, job hunting and why sometimes I think I have a case of arrested development.

20 Sep

What does Ariel know? She abandoned her family, culture and her whole damn species at sixteen!

This isn’t where I thought I would be at twenty-eight (eleven weeks from being twenty-nine).

While most of my friends are spawning their own little germ factories, getting married, climbing up some corporate ladders, buying houses and the like, I am sat in an over-sized cookie monster sweater and joggers, half watching cartoons and searching for a new job. I mean, I am employed, but a dead end retail job in the scum centre of the universe isn’t what I thought I would be doing at nearly thirty years of age. Don’t get me wrong, I have never been the career-marriage-babies-death sort of gal, but this? This is like being stuck in purgatory.

I have never had a dream job. Even when I was a child I would flit between wanting to be a mechanic, a hairdresser, a geologist, a baker, back to mechanic, a writer, a painter, a singer, a beautician, a paleontologist (after seeing Jurassic Park obvs) and so on and so forth. Life for me, even at a young age, has always been dominated by pop culture; books, TV, film, cartoons, comics, music, fashion, art; I have always liked a lot of things, and had a lot of interests, but to pin one down and say “yes! this is what I want to do with my life” is nigh on impossible. On the basest of levels I would like to have some a job that is interesting and that paid me enough that I could live comfortably. This would suit me fine, but these kinds of jobs are few and far between (mainly because they are so vaguely described!?).

The universe used to be on my side. Every job I have ever had has come organically after the next; I have gone with the flow, jumped at opportunities when they arose and moved with the tide. So why, WHY universe, have you forsaken me now? Twelve months I have been searching for my next adventure, twelve long months of trawling through job sites, emailing people, thankless interviews and for what, dear universe? Is it because I have no real direction and aim? Is it because I refuse to be mundane? Or because I find joy in hello kitty and know all the words to the Little Mermaid? Or maybe it is because I won’t commit to one path in life and stick to it.

Whatever the reason the universe can suck it; but it leaves me wondering I can’t possibly be the only person like this? Living independently, paying bills and taxes, doing weekly food shop all these mundane markers of adult life I do, yet I can’t shake the feeling that I am stuck in some abnormal state of arrested development; (which I am totally fine with, in that I like that I like a lot of pop culture et al) what I mean is that sometimes it seems like I missed out on an important life lessons somewhere, the one that gives direction and helps you have better aim for the future.

There is one very vague dream that I do harbor: that one day I will own my own tea shop/bakery/ice cream parlor. I love to bake, and since being diagnosed with severe lactose intolerance at nineteen, I have strived to adapt recipes I love into ones I can eat. This evolved into wanting my own bakery/tea shop but I don’t think I have any real drive to do it, because surely if I wanted it that bad I would have done it by now? Well, maybe that isn’t quite true, I am pretty sure you need money to start a legit business, of which I have none. So let’s put this one down as a dream to pursue once I have got a decent job, paid off my debts, redecorated my flat, bought new clothes and been on holiday.

What makes me sad though is seeing so many of my peers slowly start evolving into middle age already. The ones who decided the career-marriage-babies-death path was for them have started to look down their noses on those of us who still think superheroes are cool and disdain anything that breaks the status quo.  It seems there is a mentality among my peers that the closer you get to thirty the more ‘grown up’ you must be.

Well fuck that! I hope that when I am FIFTY (never mind thirty!) I still find joy in the immature, the colourful and the idiotic. If I don’t find Invader Zim funny when I get to middle age then I will put myself out of my misery in a shed out back. One day I will find an employer that will see my glowing CV with outlandish colours (and a list of interests that includes zombies, tea parties and Salvador Dali) and say “Hot Damn! This broad’s got style, taste and will make one hell of an employee, what are we waiting for, we should have employed her yesterday!” but until that day comes, I will just keep on trucking.

A brief break down my career history for those of you inclined to give a shit. Since leaving college at the ripe old age of twenty I have:

– been a smut peddler at Ann Summers
– worked in a discount book shop
– picked and packed in a warehouse
– slaved as an administrated
– worked the bar in a nightclub
– designed the hell out of middle aged ladies fashion
– run a pub
– purveyed nuts and seeds at Julian Graves
– sold second hand wares to the pond life at Cex

Oh, and I started House of the Fickle Queen with Firth. So you see I have quite a wide and varied career so far, let’s keep all extremities crossed that another one comes along soon.

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One Response to “On universe abandonment, job hunting and why sometimes I think I have a case of arrested development.”

  1. James Farquharson October 18, 2012 at 21:46 #

    Keep going – you write well.

    ‘Fide et Fortitudine’

    JF

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